A light piece of Career advice

If any of you have taken a cab recently and engaged in a bit of salt of the earth banter with the squinty eyed specimen of Mother England that drives the cab, he would undoubtedly have replied to whatever subject you were discussing with the following profound statement, 'It's the recession innit'. This catch all response is frequently used by people of all classes and creeds as a conversation filler for those brief bursts of small talk which you must habitually engage in out of societal need and politeness. From what you did during your weekend to where you went on holiday the looming spectre of the recession can be blamed or referenced for almost everything. Mentioning of the recession will also result in a standard stock response, a sudden hushing of the voice (lest the recession hears you!), and a nervous glance around will be followed by a mumbling agreement, 'yeah it's terrible, mumble mumble, bankers, mumble, gambling bastards' and so onwards.

We do this because we don't understand it, we know it's bad because of it's undoubtedly bad effects, jobs going, business failing, banks somehow not having any money despite this being their primary function, but we don't know why it happens. It's the boogyman of our generation, the invisible horror that lurks in the night and the netherworld.

I'm not here to offer much of a comment on the recession. I don't understand it and any attempts I've made to understand it have failed because it's also boring. Any information regarding it is dense and filled with arcane terminology and endless graphs with arrows pointing up and down, and why would I waste my time reading that when thanks to the glory of the internet i'm only one click away from a guy shoving a pint glass up his anus?

Here's a handy tip for trying to beat the recession though, a small personal victory you can gain against the invisible terror. Try and give off the impression that you're exactly the type of person who would take a handgun into the office and walk slowly from floor to floor, coldly pumping rounds into the twitching bodies of your colleagues whilst laughing manically and smearing your faeces on the wall (for fun and also for that all important insanity plea). To gain this impression post pictures of yourself polishing your weapon collection on social networking sites, make vague references to 'The Reckoning' during light hearted coffee making banter and during high end board meetings shape your hand as a gun and slowly and deliberately take aim and fire at the attendees whilst scrawling 'RedRuM' all over your notepad.

                                                                Todays a promotion day!      

This should gain the attention of Human Resources (if not a brief email to them saying about how you feel humans Are resources that should be harvested should help) and they will undoubtedly realise that lightening your work load and giving you a small payrise is a small price to pay to avert the pipe bomb oblivion you'd subtly hinted at.

Remember it's vital not to actually shoot up the office because then you'll lose your job, rendering the entire thing pointless.